Dub, I appreciated your post.  I am also uncomfortable making effective requests, especially to friends and my wife.  I am going to use your approach so they understand a skill I would like to develop, and who knows, they may look at embracing it as well.

JP

-----Original Message-----
From: dickinson@stagen.simplelists.com [mailto:dickinson@stagen.simplelists.com] On Behalf Of Dub Snider
Sent: Tuesday, May 22, 2018 7:04 AM
To: Stagen EJournal <dickinson@stagen.simplelists.com>
Subject: Effective Requests

This message originated from outside your organization

I notice that I am uncomfortable with making effective requests.

The story I tell myself is that others will be offended if I “pin them down” with specificity and accountability.  I do not have direct reports currently, so the context for me to practice this is outside of work.

Here is what I have done about it:
1.  Educated my environment.  Shared the Committed Action tool and explained what I am practicing.
2.  Stated my discomfort with making effective requests.
3.  Asked permission to use this approach, and asked if others would like to make this practice normative for our interactions (both ways).

I can see that I sometimes slip into being a victim when 1.  I make ineffective requests and then do not get the behavior I desire.
2.  I make an effective request and perceive the response to be passive aggressive 3.  I declare a breakdown and am met with hostility.  (Am I showing up with persecutor energy because of my discomfort?)

This practice could be a step to operating in the empowerment dynamic in my most important personal relationships.