Thanks for the reminder, Tony!

As we go into the holidays, and I'm surrounded by my in-laws, I have to continually remind myself to "Listen and Be Present."

Best,

rick

-----Original Message-----
From: list-manager@stagen.simplelists.com [mailto:list-manager@stagen.simplelists.com] On Behalf Of Tony Lillios
Sent: Monday, December 08, 2014 12:40 AM
To: buffett@stagen.simplelists.com
Subject: Knower/Learner mindset

Recently in a conversation with my father who was about to undergo a fairly massive heart surgery, I found myself in a "typical" conversation with him, where he was retelling one of his stories I had heard tens of times easily.  My dad can hold court like the best of them and usually when I am the audience of one these stories, I zone out, stop listening, I anticipate what is coming next, realizing I forgot details, ask him to repeat aspects of the story or just ignore those details.  I "indulge" him and let him tell his stories but I am just counting the minutes of when I can get out of the conversation.

Only because of the situation, not knowing if this might be my last conversation with him, and the context of Stagen, I realized I was horribly in a knower mindset without even opening my mouth and eventually during this specific conversation I was able to shift gears.

What was enlightening for me was that being a knower doesn't require talking or even necessarily a subject matter in which you are "learning" or "being an expert" on.  It can show up as an attitude and approach and even affect just the way you listen.

So while I have been increasingly conscious when I am in a knower mode when I am speaking, I am now unlocking how I am in a knower mode (which is OFTEN) in a listening mode.

I have what I call "red flags" behaviors to help serve as early warning signs of when I might be entering into states I don't want to be.  Interrupting people and completing their sentences is one of my long standing red flags (somehow I justify it as efficiency...don't have them tell me something I already know) and I now have connected the dots on this behavior with the knower mindset.

Looks like it is time to start not only biting my tongue, but to shift myself into a learning mode when this happens.

-t